ACTION NEWS REPORT

Hello every and welcome back to ACTION NEWS REPORT! Where we bring you all the news that we think people should be forced to know!

It would appear that the invasion by aliens has been postponed for another thousand or so years. Apparently they are waiting for us to develop mass use of robots in daily life and are not a suitable "futuristic" world for them to conquer.

Today is an important day for science! The world's only Snorgalar has finally been captured. Scientists are currently at a bidding war for the right to examine it. At the lead is the famed Doctor Kevorkian with 3 trillion dollars.

In Hollywood, it is now illegal for reporters to record any celebrity that is on a drunken binge and has a blood alcohol count over the legal limit. When asked why in a press conference, the reply was "These scandalous people are responsible for ruining the images of our children's precious role models. I cannot believe it has actually come to this but it is necessary." It was not clarified on how exactly the reporters were responsible for the drunken rampages that have been recorded.

In fashion, the world's smartest man has apparently gotten the answer wrong. When his wife asked him if her dress made her look fat he answered her honestly. The police are currently looking for his body.

In politics, it would appear that mickey mouse would be a better choice!

In other news, life has not yet ended as we know it. We are currently waiting for the Large Haleron Collider to create wormholes in the center of the earth.

This ACTION NEWS REPORT was brought to you by our friends at the Phantasmoidal News Network.