It's been a while since I've touched on this subject. Previous reviews heralded my last post as "incontrovertible truth!" "So Useful! I am a better person because of it!" "What is WRONG with you?" and "dear heavens who let this guy near the computer?!!" I will endeavor to explain further the intricacies and inevitable fallacies that arise from the precarious insanity called "Dating."
Well people, I must say that I have done extensive [read: none] research into the field of dating recently and let me tell you what techniques my quite exhaustive fieldwork has led me to discover! My number one tip on dating is so elegantly simple most people just wind up missing it! The truth is that if you are planning on dating, then you must keep this solidly in your mind, never let it go and it will keep you from making a huge mistake! This is can be summed up into a single word and that word is.... "Don't!" Tip #2 is "Ever!" These words will help prevent such erroneous tendencies such as courting and marriage and *shudder* children...
"oh, you're just being cynical!" you say! "It can't be that bad!" oh trust me my naive and unknowing friend, it is much, much worse!! One day you start talking to an individual, it's all innocent and friendly and then -Bam!!- you've been married for 20 years and have ten kids and a mortgage! Oh yeah, and that sweet ride you had your eye on since before you could drive... That orange with black racing stripes '69 soft top Camaro... Yeah, it's somehow been transmogrified into a Aerostar Minivan!! "How could this be?" you cry! well, you dated it. You dated your hopes and dreams into oblivion! "but what if I like minivans?" you ask. You, my friend, need Jesus.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've dated and found it fun! I had a lot of good experiences in the frontlines of this war. But it only lasts a season and then you have to share food and go shopping and actually spend money on someone other than yourself! One horror after another my friend... One endless horror. So the next time you decide to talk to that cutie patootie who aint all that snooty... DONT!
The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of this blogger and should be only construed as a miss-appropriated and highly inaccurate rant and should never be taken seriously. Any endeavor to react in a manor implying that this is a serious posting will be laughed at and mocked repeatedly by people way cooler than you will ever be.
2 comments:
John, this is hilarious.
Thanks Hanna! That was the intention so I am glad you found it such! :D
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