Contemplative

I was told, quite recently, that I was "not nerdy, but smart and contemplative." Now we may dispute the former assertions of intelligence and the lack of being nerdy, but I would like to focus on the latter assertion. That is to say, the contemplative part. Being who I am, I would not say that I am especially thoughtful. Indeed, it is most often the case that I am not thinking, especially when I am speaking, and find myself in greater amounts of trouble than it would had I thought for but a moment longer. The thought needed for me to think to myself "Just shut up John." This thought rarely occurs to me until much later, after I have–with great time and effort–clawed myself out of the hole I had so quickly dug. That said, I find myself at times, when I am no longer surrounded by people or inclinations to speak, that I become pensive and... yes, even contemplative. Thoughtful almost. It is in these moments that I find myself eloquent. Speaking (Or rather, thinking.) with unfettered words and insightful musings which cause me to wonder why I cannot seem to grasp this innate part of me in times most dire. Dire circumstance like that of the hole-diggery and all around foot-in-mouth incidences. Am I the pompous prattler to which the surrounding observers must perceive me as? Is there some gift to obtain to suddenly become so quick-witted that I speak with quality? Sadly I believe that there is some interference caused by my proximity to others that causes my signal to be unclear. My wit is staticky. I don't have any antennas on my brain to fiddle with to get better reception either.

It is but the plight of a fool
to be one though he know it not
sadly speaking wisdom unwise
twisted words sound correctly but
sadder still when said fool knows it
for all a fools effort changes naught.

photo by Caitlyn Kimbley

interim post

I was intending to post sooner than this, but I was working on a post that became longer that I thought it would be. Then I got writers block and now I am stuck... So yeah, that is where I am. I know you are waiting in frantic anticipation upon my latest post and it must be killing you I'm sure. heh

Well, a new semester of school. Another round of homework avoidance and intense not-studying. I have a couple online classes which, as strange as this might be, require more work than going to an actual class! Honestly, I am appalled. This is extremely taxing upon my ability to get by on the seat of my pants.


I leave you with this encouraging thought. People around us often say nice things and we look at them and think... "If only they knew!" but really they will never know. The truth is that None of us knows another, like the way we know ourselves. We can get bound by insecurities and failures but the real test is to push past those. To not let them get you down. Smile anyways. So be strong. Be happy. Ignore all those flaws you see. Be the person you want to be, and not the person you think to be.

Art is my (insert word)

Art has become a huge part of my life. It's what I do. It's how I express things that cannot be spoken or explained with words. It's my heart in the paper. It's in my blood spilled in ink poured out upon the canvas. Flights of fancy or hard reality. Joy or sorrow. This may seem slightly macabre to some, but please do not think of it that way. Reality is what it is and it cannot be denied. Art is apart of reality so much that reality begets art! It's funny how moments happen when I draw or write or create something that expresses my heart at that moment. Often quickly followed but lets put this away before no one else sees it! Ah, I am by no means a great artist. I do not have that force of skill that can call forth the images of the mind onto the canvas, but I must slowly peel away the many layers to find what wants to be and not what I would make. There's still a joy to it. A focus that I can reach within the drawing that I find nothing else matters. I have a horrible attention span. It is difficult for me to focus upon anything for long without wandering off to some corner of my mind. When I draw or paint... I can focus. It draws me in like a current. I've looked up to see hours have passed, and all I want to do is turn back to the page and keep working. Art is my hobby. My stress-relief. Art is many things, but most of all. Art is my passion.

Cool Story, Bro

I was sitting in a coffee shop one day, when a friend of mine walks in. He has a big grin on his face like he just won the lottery. I had to laugh because I knew it probably had to do with some girl he had met or talked to or randomly smiled at him as he was walking to who knows where. "Bro!" he said, excited to see me, or rather, more likely anyone with whom he could share his story. "Dude! You'll never believe it man!" I started to reply but he rushed on. "Okay, so you know how it's finals week and everything? Yeah, and remember that one girl I told you about?" As if I paid much attention to it when he told me in the first place, but I decided to allow him his story. I was sitting in a coffee shop alone. Not exactly too-cool-for-you status. "Which girl was this again?" I asked him. "You know! the one that kept smiling at me all semester?"
"Ah. That one."
"Yeah! Well, anyways, I was leaving after the Final for that one class."
"Which?"
"The horrible one. Horrible teacher? I complained all semester about it."
"Oh yeah. That one. What about it?"
"That's the class the girl was in."
"The smiley one."
"Yeah, she's so gorgeous! Anyways, I was leaving class and she said to me."
"Are you going to order?"
"No, she didn't say that. Where would you-"
"I meant, are you going to order a drink?"
"Oh, right... Be right back!"
He ordered his drink and came back to wait for it, continuing his story exactly where he left off.
"So I was leaving class and we just happened to be walking in the same direction..."

****

"You ready to be done with this semester?" She asked him, that smile on her face lighting up as she spoke. "Oh, I've been ready!" He replied, "Especially that class!"
"Tell me about it! I was anxious every time I went to class!"
"You're anxious? She's so feminist I was wrong even when I agreed with her!" He said, and she laughed at this. "Everything you are is wrong!"
"For real! White. Middleclass. Male... I was born wrong!" He shook his head, admiring her smile again.
"Well at least it's over now. What grade did you get?"
"A minus on the last project, I'll probably end up with a B for the class. You?"
"Your orders ready."

****

"What?" My friend asked, intently telling his own story.
"Your coffee is ready. You going to get it?"
"Oh! Hold on!"
"Not going anywhere dude," I said to him wryly, wondering where exactly this story was heading. He got back to the table and went on.
"So I told her what I got and she said she got an A."

****

 "An A. Wow, nice work," He complimented her.

"Thanks. So is this it for the day?" She replied, looking up at him.

"Yeah, I have another final tomorrow but that's it."

"What's your major?" She asked him, curiously.

"Liberal studies. Yeah, I'm getting my teaching credential." 

"Oh that's good, and you-"

"Get summers off. Week for Thanksgiving. A month for Christmas..."

"That's smart!

"So I'm just going to walk in and be like 'Okay kids, I'm here for the summers, just like you. So you don't mess with me, and you all get 'A's. Even you, little Jimmy special in the back there."

"Oh my word!" She said as she was laughing. Her blonde hair tossed artfully over her shoulder. 

"What's your major?" 

"Communications major, like with special cases. I just decided."

"What since you've been talking to me?"

"No! That's not what I meant! You're funny!" She laughed and hit his arm. 

****

"She hit your arm."

"Yeah man! She said 'You're funny' and hit my arm! Oh, and she was totally playing with her hair. Whole time."

"Oh wow, she is totally into you."

"Right?" He said as that sort of rhetorical question that ends up being an exclamation. 

"Go on," I said, my curiosity amused. 

"Man, I was on. I couldn't say anything without her laughing."

 "So why didn't you ask her out?" 

"Yeah, it wouldn't have worked out. Oh hey, gotta go," and with that he walked out.

---------------------

This is simply a short story meant to entertain. Any details within the story are purely for the sake of entertainment.

Mind over Matter

Challenge yourself.
Take a momentary thought
While it may just be second
Consider all you've wrought

Wonder about your wonderings
Talk of what you've sought
For in the end you'll find
It may be nothing that you've got

Take all that is important
Gather that which is naught
Let the chaff be blown away
Only necessity be caught

West Coast Conference is over...

Well, WCC is over now. Leaving a sense of emptiness after a week of intense work and socialization! It was lovely to meet everyone and especially those who I just met this year! I did try to take pictures with people but actually ended up talking and forgetting but I did take some! So enjoy! (also included are some from the ordinar-ordinance-ordainment-... You know, that one service!)

West Coast Conference

Who is ready for WCC?!!!